& I let him call me baby, I don't even know his last name!

I hate country music for the most part, but I LOVE Carrie Underwood. She's so cute and I actually like her voice and her music. Ahhh yes. Well I have no job, still...and things aren't looking up at all surprise surprise...whatever. I just hate how businesses say they'll call back and never do--good job, real professional ;)

I feel bad complaining though because it's not like I'm in dire need of a job. I feel bad for familes who don't have alot and the bread-winners of their family are getting laid off...it's real sad. I would love to move out of the states, honestly. I'm sick of the sucky economy and the ungrateful rich people. I would love to go somewhere else and live there instead. Maybe not permanently, I should go on a longer termed mission trip because I only got to be in Mexico for a week. SUCH a short amount of time, but it showed me that I have a passion for missions and I enjoyed that culture so much and I really do miss the people I met. I still get to talk to Lizbeth every now and then through email although it's been about 2 weeks since her last email.

What else....I watched "There Will Be Blood" yesterday and though Jon and Eli loved it, I did not. I wish I enjoyed it as much as they did I just...I don't know...it was very odd and I felt like there was no purpose. They explained after the movie the theme they got from the film and I hate it when I can't understand movies, I LOVE movies and tend to already read too much into themes and whatnot and I think it's a bit much if I don't even get the purpose of something. Maybe I'm just not as smart and philosophical. A movie I would like to watch again is "No Country For Old Men". AWESOME. It was so intense and though it's a movie you have to really pay close attention to the dialogue and stuff, it makes alot of sense and I enjoyed it.

I guess I have nothing else to talk about...goodnight!

<3

All We Are

"I walked a minute in your shoes, they never would've fit

I figured there's nothing to lose

I need to get some perspective on these words before I write them down

You're an island and my ship has run aground

Lord knows I'll fail you time and again, But you and me we're alright"

~ All We Are, One Republic

I really love that song! I'm pretty sure I listen to it every time I drive somewhere. I absolutely love having my ipod and I love that I can play it in my car. Before I had it, I had to carry my CD's around everywhere and that's just a pain. Ohhhh technology...

Anyway, about the song I just quoted; it's by the same band who sings Apologize (another fav), and it seriously never gets old. They have a great sound and the lyrics are so relatable and poetic. Maybe it's just me...because there's not one thing on this earth that everybody will agree upon. Isn't that a crazy thought? People are so...weird! But yes, I think I talk alot. I know I do...and I can be loud sometimes. It's so hard for me to understand those who would rather be alone. I can't imagine having the desire to be a loner. Don't get me wrong, being alone is nice from time to time; normally though, I like being around someone. Okay it's 3:35am and I'm officially a loser :( I can't get a job so I need to find something to pass my entire summer days with. hahaha Wish me luck!

love love love

okay, bye.

Lazy Days

I really can't express how lazy I feel lately. I'm trying to get a job and NOBODY in Ormond Beach/ Daytona is hiring. It really sucks. SO while I'm unemployed I'm also dealing with recovery from my surgery (removal of my wisdom teeth). I had all four of them out and now I still have deep holes in the back of my mouth. I feel the stitches on the top of my mouth but the holes on the bottom are wide open so all of this food keeps getting stuck in there and last week I ended up with dry sockets because I couldn't keep the blood clot in the socket. Gross, I know. So I had to go back to the doctors and they packed the sockets with gauze (sp?) and I get it taken out tomorrow. I just want to heal up :( I'm tired of popping pills because of it being sore. I wish I could run or go roller blading but while I'm healing I'm not supposed to be doing strenuous activities right now. It's been nice relaxing for the past few weeks though, I can't really complain.

Right now I'm watching Million Dollar Baby...SUCH a great movie!! It's so sad though...I hate that stupid girl with the gay braids who cheats and knocks Hilary Swank out...ends up freaking paralyzing her. That's so terrible. As sad as this story is, it does remind me of that one episode of The Office hahahha the grief counseling one when Michael demands that everybody talks about someone who died and Pam describes Million Dollar Baby and Michael doesn't catch on. Love it :)

So none of my goals for summer are really happening and it sucks.

The job thing doesn't look promising so...whatev.

I have yet to go to the beach or lay out in my yard, maybe I'll do that sometime this week.

I'm not reading any books yet, no excuse, I just haven't done it.

I haven't lost weight, but I haven't been able to do hardcore workout like I want to yet so that is still looking good.

And though I've been with my family and I do love them, there are other people that I love who I'm not getting to see much of. Eli used to be over here all the time but for the past couple of days he's kind of been MIA...well not really. And Katie works all the time and whenever she's not working she's tired :( But she and I got to catch up today at lunch so that was good. I get to see my Uncle Johnny tomorrow in the hospital. It's gonna be the last time I ever get to see him so I'm trying to prepare myself. There is absolutely nothing the doctors can do now except give him anxiety meds to calm him down because his lungs are failing him and not even the oxygen machines are restoring his ability to breathe. He's basically sufficating. I hate that he's in so much pain and he's dying such a slow death. I'm just so thankful that he has something to look forward to which is Jesus.

I guess that's it. bye!

Birthdays!

Yep, I'm 19 years old now. Gosh that's such a long time to live...but not really when I sit back and think about all that I have yet to accomplish. The next 19 years are probably going to fly by even faster although I don't understand how that's possible! I had the best youth...I mean, come on, we all have those bad memories of punishments, bad hair-do's (or should I say don'ts) and those awkward middle school friendships. It's all such a blurr but certain memories are perfectly pictured in my mind. I would never go back though. Maybe for a day just laugh at how complicated I thought my life was then compared to now. I'm excited about the future. I made it through my first year of college. 18 and moving out, though is normal, seems abnormal. I look at how much I've changed this past year and I can't believe how immature I was about certain things when I moved out of my house and into BETA HALL at USF. hahaha. I encourage everyone to GET OUT of their home-town and experience a little of what life is like outside of your comfort zone.

I have some goals for this summer, I think they are perfectly attainable:

1. Read 3 books

2. Get a tan

3. Get a job and make money

4. Lose about 15-20 lbs.

5. Spend time with people who mean the most to me.

All right, that's all I have to say. goodnight!

Love.