Last Day of January 2010

If I'm sitting here writing this blog...what does that indicate to you?
-yep. I'm procrastinating.
I have to have "The Great Gatsby" read by tomorrow at 6:20pm. There's 180 pages...it's 10:33pm tonight and I am on page 70. Terrific! I've read it before, and I thoroughly enjoyed it--I just do not feel like reading it again right now. I feel like I need a big break from school. I'm worn out, I'm tired of it. I'd never take a semester off because I can't honestly say I know I'd come back for sure after the break. If I could take a break I'd love to go to France for a year...just chill, walk around...sleep in the gutters...something along those lines. I'm just kidding about the gutter part :)


I'm having an intense internal struggle lately with how crazy and out of hand I allow my emotions to get. I spoke to a friend last summer about this issue and they said that it was said to them, "there's a difference between godly emotions and sinful emotions" and I'm not sure which ones I have for the most part. I know I have some of both, but I'd like to say that SOME are for good reason. I find myself CRYING close to, if not, every day. Sometimes I'm not even sad...I just wait til I'm alone and I absolutely unravel. Sometimes it's just a few tear drops that barely leave my tear ducts and I'm fine...others, it's a 20 minute sob fest. I'm convinced God knew I would need Jenny Lee in my life and I can't believe how much I love the Lee family already and they've not even been here a year yet. She was really encouraging about this issue and said that she deals with the same thing and to not be so hard on myself. The way she explained it was looking at it like a gift: God gave me an emotional release button that once I'm done, I feel better. Some people have to go through so much more to just get it all out. As long as I'm not crying to manipulate someone, I don't think I'm being sinful in crying.

This may seem really, really trivial because its just crying and emotions but it's been really heavy on my heart lately and until Jenny talked to me about it on Thursday, I wasn't "okay" or comfortable with myself.

I guess I wanted to talk about this because I was ashamed of it before, and now I'm not. I guess if anybody has further comments about it, feel free to post, I'm for sure interested in your thoughts.

Tomorrows work load: French Conversation
Poetry I
French Composition
American Lit. 1912-1945

So around 9:30 tomorrow night, I'll be able to relax.


<3 rachel