Two more days and I'll be back to school, working my rear end off again.
I've had an average week. I didn't do anything I wouldn't normally do except I didn't have to go to school along with it. This may sound dull, but I don't think my mind could have handled anything more than that. Every night there's been intense conversations, be it with my parents, sisters, boyfriend, friends that come over to catch up, etc. I'm over-whelmed and I miss the days when I didn't actually have anything to really think about other than who I was going to play with at recess that day at school. This sucks...
There's something about the "end-times" that's never settled with me. Every believer is supposed to be overjoyed that Christ is coming back and that the end of the world is the beginning of life with Jesus and stuff, but if I'm really going to be honest...I don't like thinking about it. I think I'd much rather live a normal life, get married, have kids, take them to some sort of extra curricular activity, travel...this all sounds so incredibly selfish when I write it all out. I just struggle with doubt so much and when I think about Christ's return, it freaks me out. It churns my stomach.
I think the biggest thing is if I lived a normal life, there's no way that I would die that hadn't already been done before, you know? But when Christ comes back...well, nobody's gone through that before and I HATE change and uncertainty. I almost don't want to think about it.
Is this sinful?
2 comments:
Well, we kept it pretty simple, and you did do most of the talking, so I hope I didn't overwhelm you haha. Lady Gaga and Beyonce always dumbs it down, bahaha. I'm glad you came even if it was dull or whatever. And I think it's EXCITING, so much to think about...it doesn't "suck"! Besides, you can't be looking forward to a "normal life" without those intense details and conversations- it's part of it!
As I was telling you earlier this week, I know exactly what you mean about the end times. I would say there is something sinful to it, but also nothing uncommon.
I'm reading a Piper book about battling unbelief- we're studying it in college. Anxiety is a form of lack of faith. I can explain more later, but that alone- being anxious, is useless and considered an opposite of faith.
Also, as far as a "normal life"...I feel the same to a great degree, but we must consider things in a less limited, self-oriented way. Biblically, this life is not to be the focus, it's a vapor, a moment, a start of the start almost, a transition, if you will.
And not to get cliche, anti-American-dreamish...but it's true: it's a lot easier for us to look forward less to Christ's coming than other Christians, MOST Christians throughout the world. So many are literally without the most basic needs, persecuted even to death for their faith, and live this life in agony.
Not only can we think of end times in term of for the sake of God's glory, but also for the sake of many people. And I think we'll be quite surprised just how much better than normal it will all be.
I know this is long, but you got me thinking. I love you.
this is nikki t by the way. i used a sign-in for school haha. this blog is annoying- it won't let you comment until you do all this stuff!
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